Jeff Carver

As far back as I can remember I have felt inclined to believe in God. I can recall being age three or four and saying, “I believe in God, but I don’t believe in the devil!” Well, my uncle, who I was saying this to, quickly corrected me. He said that if I believed in God then I had to believe there was a devil. My response was, “Well, I don’t like him!”

When I was young my family and I would go to church about five or six times a year, whenever my mom “felt we should go.” My parents had been divorced since I was two years old and my younger brother and I lived with our mom. She worked hard as a waitress to support us, but still we were quite poor. I rarely saw my dad and never really got to know him before he died when I was eleven years old. The one thing I do remember about my dad was that when we visited him he used to read to us from the Bible. Once in a while he would read to my brother and me from Scripture and then explain it to us. About three years before he died he gave us each our first Bibles. I still have that Bible and kept it mainly because it was from my dad. I never got around to reading it much even though I had many questions for God, especially after my dad’s death.

As a teenager I was basically a normal guy and thought I was doing okay with my life. In high school I was very involved in sports and weightlifting. I happened to excel in them and I became very popular through them. People would approach me after football games and compliment on how well I had performed and, admittedly, I enjoyed the attention. Eventually, this led to me becoming prideful, in both my athletic ability and in my personal appearance. The most important things to me revolved around who I was in the eyes of others. I was not becoming the person I was supposed to be. By my senior year, I was feeling very empty. I had a lot of unanswered questions about my life and about why things weren’t as good as I thought they should be. My mom had become an alcoholic and was sometimes abusive to us. My brother and I were not as close as we were before. The pressure of knowing that I would soon be out in “the real world” had me afraid and worried.

Right around that time, for some reason I began praying before falling asleep each night. (I say for some reason because I do not exactly know why, but my belief is that people were praying for my salvation). At first I prayed short a short prayer every night, just apologizing to God for what I had done that day. Within a week I was praying an hour or more a night. I simply talked to God and thanked Him, and asked Him some tough questions. I began praying a certain prayer each night before going to sleep. I would ask for forgiveness for the bad things I had done, then I would thank God for His Son Jesus and what He did on the cross for me. I knew that Jesus had died for me because of my sin. I would tell God that I truly believed in Him and that I wanted to do what was right.

Within a few weeks our family actually went to church again. However, this time it was different. I knew that I had been growing closer to God, and had been faithfully praying every night, but I still felt unsure of what my relationship with Him was. That day my pastor shared the Gospel message with us. He said that God wanted a relationship with me but my sin had separated me from Him. I had “fallen short” as it says in Romans 3:23. My sin carried a penalty, which was death, and I was responsible to pay that penalty. He said that I couldn’t do enough good things to get to heaven and the only way back to God was through faith in His Son Jesus Christ (Romans 6:23). God had put my sin on Jesus Christ so that I could be saved from an eternity without Him. Since Jesus paid the penalty for my sin on the cross, I wouldn’t be counted as guilty at all if I repented of my sin, sincerely put my faith in Him, and confessed Him as my Savior (Acts 3:19, Romans 10:9-10). Near the end of the service he invited those of us who wanted Jesus Christ as our savior to pray with him. As I was praying, I was shocked when I realized that it was almost the exact prayer that I had been praying every night for the past few weeks! This time I knew that it would be the last time, because I only needed to ask once for Jesus to save me.

I wish I could say that my life was completely changed from then on, but it wasn’t. I knew I was saved but I didn’t give my life completely over to Him. I didn’t study the Bible or even go to church more. I wasted a lot of time away from God. It wasn’t until a couple of years later when a co-worker came along and explained to me that I needed to let the Lord to lead me in my life and to allow His Holy Spirit to direct me. We began studying the Bible together each week and soon I sensed God leading me to be a pastor. I began attending church weekly with my wife and we grew closer together. I was soon baptized with my wife and eventually we became members at our previous church and began serving there. I was drawn to the high school ministry because I knew that it was an important time in life, and the students needed guidance from someone who had “been there.” I served in high school and junior high ministry for four years. In our last year at Community Baptist Church I was a director for the junior high ministry. Now I am continuing to serve in the youth ministry at our new church and truly loving it.

The things I cared about before do not matter to me anymore. I see myself the way God sees me, as no longer hopeless and without Him, but confident and secure in Him. I have discovered that the reason I am here is to help and guide people to the Lord and then to aid them in growing as disciples. I see things in terms of eternity rather than the present, so I don’t worry as much. I now have a Father who is always there for me. He listens to me, protects me, and guides me with His Word and His Spirit. Jesus has helped me become someone who wants to love Him and love others. I see how I was trapped before and how others are still trapped, and I want them to know what Christ can do for them. I have hope now, and I am certain that I will spend forever with Him.

The relationships that I have now are genuine. My wife and I strive to grow closer to each other and to Christ each day, while trying to be an example of a Godly couple. Our marriage is strong and fun. My mom is now a believer and is free from alcoholism. We have a close relationship, as do my brother and I. Now I have several different friends who don’t tell me how good I am, but they do tell me the truth. We share genuine relationships and support each other. I am joyful and thankful for my new life. God has graciously given me a new focus: to glorify Him in all I do.